|Tall Grass Prairie Preserve, Pawhuska, Oklahoma|
Is this the way? I kept asking myself, as I was led by a Yellow Butterfly out to the Tall Grass Prairie Preserve which took me out along seemingly never ending roads less traveled that went for miles and miles without a soul in sight.
Last year, at SouLodge Medicine Gathering, hosted by Pixie Lighthorse, during our Honoring Ceremony, I had a vision to honor my Wisdom and bring my walk in sync with my wisdom.
That vision took me out into a plains of tall grass where I was guided by a yellow butterfly, where I met a herd of buffalo, and I saw White Buffalo among them, and Eagle flew overhead and the buffalo began running and so did I, and I jumped up onto one of the buffalo and flew up with Eagle.
Eagle said, "Honor your journey, where your heart has been, where your feet have walked."
And I asked Buffalo, "What do you want me to Honor?"
And Buffalo replied, "Your wisdom — walk in your wisdom — your wisdom needs to match your walk. Bring them back in sync."
"There will be someone always along your walk to walk you home," Buffalo continued, "but sometimes, your energy comes higher when you walk alone."
That day at SouLodge Medicine Gathering, while being in the direction of the North, Pixie taught us that "in our Winter time of life, we sit with our decisions, and we see clear our areas of new growth, and new paths."
On this day, during our Honoring visions, we were anointed with Clarity oil, created by Bliss Blossom Botanica, to honor our wisdom, connection to act and do right. Pixie also said to "wear our wisdom during our trials, our mountain times, when we are with the Elders during this time of our life."
So, this finds me about a year later, and I feel I am getting closer to home.
This year, after turning the half century mark of my life, I am entering into the realm of Elders, and I've been telling myself to listen with my heart and speak with my heart.
On this recent journey to return home, again, to help care for loved ones, with also caring for myself, I felt like it was an ending and a beginning like no other. It was a time of being alone and in solitude for parts of three days. One finds themselves observing and asking a lot of questions.
Is this the way, we keep asking, when we're feeling lost, and letting our instinctual and internal compass guide us, and feeling found.
In my life, I have often felt so so small, and not feeling brave at times.
But lately, having been seeking some positive Co-Active help from a dear friend, Clarity Beaumont, I have been seeing how strong and brave I have always been, and so when I got to the border of Oklahoma, driving from the West, I stopped at the Welcome Center and I had a destination in mind. I asked one of the ladies at the information desk if there was another area in Oklahoma, besides the Wildlife Refuge near Lawton, Oklahoma, where they have Bison. She mentioned two exits along I40 where they have one or two buffalo in caged areas to view, but that didn't feel empowering, and she said if I really wanted to take an adventure, she recommended going up to the Tall Grass Prairie Preserve, up north of Oklahoma City.
I had it in my mind to go, no matter how scared or timid I was feeling to go there. To be in the presence of bison.
And as I left the Information Center, right there on the sidewalk was a little mouse being so brave and it walked up close to me a few feet away, looked up, and it stayed there about a full five seconds.
And I said, "You are safe, Mouse, I am a friend, I won't harm you."
And the mouse seemed to bow, as I bowed, and it took off running out to the field.
When I reached the tall grass plains, where the bison were supposed to be, I was driving at a speed of about 5 miles an hour over gravel dusty roads that seemed to go on and on forever without knowing where they lead, and I kept asking myself, Is this the way?
And up ahead I saw a passenger van coming from the opposite direction, and I waved to them to stop. And a woman, who reminded me of the beautiful Sage Goddess, was driving, but I wasn't sure it was her.
But I asked her, "Is this the way to see the buffalo?"
"Yes", she said, "Just gravel, though, so drive slow and keep your windows up and you'll be fine, you'll see some bison!"
"Is it safe?" I asked.
And a young boy about 10 or 11 years of age, said, emphatically, "Yes!"
So, I felt God and Goddesses with me all the way.
When I reached the area, finally, where about 3,000 bison were on the move, I sat there in awe, and as I drove slowly, around them and through them, I sensed their centuries of carrying the burdens of this land and this people.
And I asked, Where are they on the move to?
And I ask, also, Where are we on the move to, individually, and collectively?
In her prayer, Honoring Wisdom, Pixie Lighthorse says, "We are ready to be like the Old Ones."
And I ask myself, AM I?
I am, I said.
Did you ever read about a field mouse, who dreamed about being a buffalo, and then became one?
Well, except for the names, and a few other changes, we can talk about me, the story's the same one!
But, I got an emptiness deep inside that I tried but it won't let me go.
And I'm not a woman who likes to swear, but I never cared for the thought of staying so small.
This is adapted from Neil Diamond's song, I Am I Said